Long distance relationships are hard – from the emotional need that comes with being far from each other, to the lack of face-to-face communication. You may find that the holiday seasons are the worst. Deciding to break up after dating long distance is not easy. It takes a lot of energy to decide that something is not working for you and it needs fixing. Kudos for taking the first step. The second challenge – and the hardest of all – is effectively communicating this to your loved one in a way that protects their dignity and leaves them at peace. Break-ups are usually messy because the decision to break up is often unilateral. It is easy to slide back into an unhappy relationship when you know that your partner is still willing. So it’s important to be sure that this is what you want. It is even recommended that you do a well-argued and written down pros-cons list to guide and defend your position. With a desire to learn the best way to approach this tough topic, I sought the opinion of many individuals who have either broken up with a long-distance partner or have been on the receiving end of a break-up. Below is a compilation of how to approach the topic, as well as pointers on what to expect: Timing is very importantThe best position when negotiating a break up is that of your partner. Putting yourself in their shoes helps you navigate the process in a kind and dignifying way. That protects their self-esteem and gives them a fair fighting chance. Take note of their schedule. Check for major events like an exam, a presentation, a job pitch or even a job interview. It tells you that giving them sad news may prevent them from effectively participating in tasks that will require confidence and charisma. Steer away from setting a break-up before a major holiday, a birthday, or an activity requiring full concentration. If a break-up has to happen, then effectively schedule a couple of days on their calendar just for that. It is important to avoid awkward situations such as having someone you love travel or fly a long distance only to have their heart broken. The MediumNobody wants to receive bad news via text. In the modern world especially, ghosting is a very effective way of telling a person that you are no longer interested in their company. Ghosting is however not kind. It’s terribly immature and downright disrespectful. The closest you can get to a decent face-to-face break-up is a phone call. With FaceTime, WeChat, Viber, Skype, Google Duo, and other video calling apps readily available, you can have this hard conversation face-to-face decently, and with respect. If you are planning a break-up, schedule a call with your partner and talk to them like you would to a friend. Regardless of the differences at present, remember that this is someone you considered a lover at one point. The PreludeGive your partner a heads up that you have something “not-so-good” to say to them later. Ask them to tell you when they will be available. Take into consideration their plans and schedules especially if you are in different time zones. Nobody wants to have to wake up to heartbreak. Tell them that you would like a Skype or video call and give them choices, so they get to pick when and how. This process ensures a win-win encounter. The TalkTalk to your partner like a friend. Avoid the instinct to jump straight to the breakup. While the tension under currents may still be strong in the air, actively seek to create a peaceful atmosphere. Approach the topic with concern and empathy. Explain your position without attacking your partner. Give time for them to process. At this point, you should expect tears, a little yelling may also occur – and this is allowed. As much as possible, seek to hear them out. Validate them while resisting the urge to abort the mission. Allow your partner and you to go through the motions of shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance. When it is over, appreciate the time you spent with them and affirm them. The aftermathIt is normal to feel the urge to go back. Don’t. Allow yourself to grieve. After all, you have lost a part of yourself as well. Shed a few tears – drink if you need to – but after all is said and done, rise, stand up and move forward. Better days are yet to come! The post How to End a Long-Distance Relationship appeared first on My Long Distance Love. from https://mylongdistancelove.com/how-to-end-a-long-distance-relationship/
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The age of digital infidelityRelationships are changing with the times, and social media has without a doubt had a huge impact. These platforms have affected everything from how we meet potential partners to how we document our romantic journeys. One other significant way that social media has changed dating and relationships is by introducing us to the age of online cheating. It could be anything from micro-cheating to full-on infidelity. If you suspect that you are a victim of this in your relationship then here are a few signs that should help you confirm it. Social media signs to look out for:Multiple accountsHaving several accounts is one of the most common signs that your partner is using social media to cheat on you. However, this does not mean that all people with multiple accounts are unfaithful. The red flag pops up when your partner leaves you completely uninformed of these secondary accounts. If that is the case, then the chances are that you are getting played. Private accountsMost social media platforms allow you to hide your content from public view. Hiding personal data is a completely acceptable practice. The fact that someone has multiple accounts is not always a direct sign of cheating. The problem is when your partner has such an account and refuses to connect with you either by accepting your friend request or following you back. That leaves you completely in the dark on all their social media exploits which is usually a sign that they have something to hide. Many friends you don’t know aboutIf you have been with your partner for a long time chances are that you know most if not all of their friends. That applies for both online and offline pals. If your partner has a lot of friends in their romantic gender preferences that you do not know about, then you need to get concerned. More often than not, this is a sign of micro-cheating. Constant phubbingPhubbing is what the cool kids these days are using to refer to phone addiction and subsequent snubbing of partners. If your partner is always on social media, then there is cause for concern. A path such as this usually leads to micro-cheating and later on full physical and emotional unfaithfulness. Laughing alone while on the phone/computerYou know that incredibly annoying feeling when your partner keeps laughing at secret jokes on their phone without including you? Whenever you try to find out more, you get hit with “It’s nothing” or “You won’t get it.” In addition to being irksome, it is a red flag you should pay attention to. Failure to acknowledge you as the significant otherWe live in a day and age where if it is not on social media then it probably didn’t happen. The same applies to relationships. You do not have to be that pair that is constantly posting couples photos together. However, acknowledging each other goes a long way towards making your relationship public. If your partner avoids this without any good reason, then the chances are that he is not only cheating on you but also cheating with you. Ignoring your online activityHe doesn’t ever leave comments on your posts. He doesn’t like photos you put up. He asks as though you do not exist. It usually happens when your partner is trying to distance himself from you and is something you should address. Regular communication with a specific personMore often this is an ex, or a recent fling they swear is completely harmless. He might claim that the interaction is purely platonic, but there is a fine line between this and micro-cheating. Watch out for it. Over-protective of their devicesIf your partner’s phone/tablet/laptop is better protected than CIA servers, then you might have something to worry about. Over-protectiveness is another one of those signs that point towards the possibility that your partner is hiding something. Any other unusual change in behaviorSometimes the signs are not even related to their social media habits. It could be subtle changes in behavior like being distant, coming home at odd hours and numerous plans with strangers. Bottom lineOne thing is for sure; online cheating is alive and rampant in this day and age. The good thing is that the signs are pretty easy to pick out. If your significant other is showing one, more or all of them then you cannot afford to ignore the red flags. Do some sleuthing of your own and then confront them when you are ready. That way you can get the answers you need to determine whether or not that is a relationship you want to continue with. The post Is He Cheating? Watch Out For These Social Media Signs appeared first on My Long Distance Love. from https://mylongdistancelove.com/cheating-social-media-signs/ |
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October 2020
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