Being in a long-distance relationship is like living in an entirely different planet. People in normal relationships don’t seem to get what you are going through. You explain the joys and beautiful moments, and it’s like you are speaking another language. You want to share your struggles, but they cannot relate.
Luckily, musicians seem to get it. There are actually many songs out there about such setups that you and your partner can jam to on your numerous video chats.
Here are 10 best songs that LDR lovers can relate to.
“Hey there Delilah”- Plain White T’s
This song is about a long distance pair where one is left at home while the other chases stardom. This happens a lot these days but with slight variations. Maybe you left your partner to go pursue a degree abroad. Or maybe your better half got a job offer that they couldn’t refuse in a different state. Whatever the case you will definitely get a serious case of the feels with this one.
“Right here waiting”- Richard Marx
This powerful ballad is one of the best love songs about long distance relationships of all times. It talks about always being there for each other despite being so far away. It also covers a lot of relatable examples of struggles that other LDR couples face. This will definitely make it easier to deal with the heartache you feel everyday being oceans apart.
“Leaving on a jet plane”- John Denver
This is one of the most awesome classic rock songs about long distance relationships. It focuses a lot on the constant travelling that happens between couples in these relationships. You are literally always booking flights, taking them or saving up for the next ones. It is a beautiful struggle captured incredibly by Denver’s powerful lyrics. The song also touches on how hard it is to say goodbye which is something you can definitely relate to.
“Love ain’t’- CunninLynguists feat. Tonedeff
If you are a fan of hip hop and rap then this song will end up being your long distance relationship anthem. It does not specifically talk about dating while far apart but it emphasizes on the fact that love is hard work. And no one understands this better than you in your LDR setup. It also has some pretty awesome lines about how quitting is just not an option which is a mindset every couple dating long distance should have. It definitely deserves the title of being one of the best rap songs about long distance relationships.
“One call away”- Charlie Puth
This is one of the more modern options on this hit list but it brings out the beauty of these relationships in a great way. It might be hard to be far away but after all is said and done all you have to do is pick up the phone and you have your support system right there.
“I’m gonna be (500 Miles)”- The Proclaimers
This super goofy song is actually really deep. He sings about how distance is not a hindrance to their expression of love. I mean he basically vows to walk a hundred miles if it is needed just to be there for his partner. I mean is that isn’t long distance relationship goals then I don’t know what is.
“Here without you”- 3 Doors Down
This one is for those times where you really miss your partner and you just want to listen to a song that echoes these mood. It is a really sweet song about how much pain you can be in away from the one you love.
“Need you now”- Lady Antebellum
This is one of those songs that you send to your LDR partner to remind them how much you love them and would want to be with them. With the band’s powerful lyrics and beautiful harmonies, your beau will definitely get the message.
“You are not alone”- Michael Jackson
Sometimes being in a long distance relationship can make you feel super lonely. You might even get to a point where you don’t see the point of sticking around because it feels like you might as well not be dating. Michael understood this and found the most beautiful way of expressing it and how to deal with it.
“Long distance”- Brandy
Last but not least is the ultimate long distance relationship anthem. It literally has the name ‘long distance’ as its title. Brandy did a great job with this one highlighting the highs and lows of choosing this life. It is definitely a song you and your partner will love, overplay and massacre during your video chat karaoke dates.
Love that knows no borders
Marrying a foreigner seems like something straight out of a fairytale, at least at a glance. There is almost always a captivating and odds-defying story of how a couple met. Maybe it was in a passenger terminal after grounded flights. Or it could be one of those unicorn successful online dating stories.
In addition to the magical meeting, you get bragging rights on being a strong couple. I mean who else can say their love has survived cultural differences, language barriers and being continents apart?
While these success stories are heartwarming, it is important that you appreciate that there is so much more to them than happily ever after. It takes a lot more work than any other kind of relationship including LDRs in the same country.
If you are already in one or planning to find love abroad, here are a few bits of advice for international couples and how to make this challenge-ridden setup work.
Learn the language
Marrying someone from another country can mean that there will be a language barrier. These days, there are many apps and online services that allow immediate translation for easier communication. However, these will only serve your relationship well for a while. A time will come where you will have to learn to speak for yourself and the sooner you do it, the better.
Make their country your second home
If you have entered into a serious commitment, then you will have to invest more than just your time, emotions and effort. Start saving up and planning trips back and forth. That allows you to spend much needed time together to strengthen the bond further.
Prepare for cultural differences
According to most international marriage statistics, cultural differences are a major cause of issues in LDRs where international borders are crossed. A recent study shows cultural misunderstanding is the leading cause of international relationship failure. It does not necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed to fail and you should give up. What you need to do is to, first of all, appreciate that the differences are inevitable. After that, all you need to do is be willing to appreciate each other’s cultures, compromise and create new traditions of your own.
Let go of the stereotypes
Do not view your beau as a novelty prize or a twisted realization of your ethnic fetish. It is ok to appreciate that your partner comes from a country whose people you typically find attractive but do not reduce them to just that.
In the same way, make sure to avoid negative stereotypes that paint your partner into a box. Go in with an open mind and let them surprise you. They will.
Get family and friends involved
That is particularly important for serious international relationships where you feel you have completed your search for a prince or princess charming. Getting loved ones involved first of all makes you as a couple responsible and accountable. That greatly increases your chances of succeeding. The introduction might also help pick out red flags that you could not see through your heart-shaped goo-goo eyes.
Have an end goal in mind
If you marry someone from another country, do not think that your job is done. If anything the hard work is just beginning. Have a plan first and foremost of where you plan on living. It is also important to agree on things like which cultural traditions to maintain and also how to raise your kids. Having these things thought out in advance will save you a lot of time and trouble down the line.
Get your head out of the clouds
Finally, do not feel the need to stay in that long distance relationship out of duty or feeling that you worked too hard to keep it. As with any other relationship or marriage where the couple is nearby, these relationships fail. The international marriage divorce rate as of 2018 was at about 50%. The good news is that if you are determined to make it work, open and honest, then you might not have to worry about this.
International marriage might be hard, but this doesn’t mean that you give up. I mean, what are phones and computers and airplanes for if not to make your relationship easier? You need to approach it with a realistic, focused and a determined point of view. That, plus a little bit of hard work, and it shouldn’t matter what is working against your relationship. It will be you and your beau against the world – and with these tips, you stand a chance of winning.
The post 7 Invaluable Pieces of Advice for International Couples appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Is it real or just in your head?
With long-distance relationships, the illusion of love is very easy to maintain. You and your partner are not exposed to each other long enough to pick out potential deal breakers and pet peeves. So how exactly will you know that what you have is the real deal? How will you know that you are not just another one of those basic LDR couples that think they are in love but can’t sustain a one on one conversation?
Below is the answer, in the form of nine signs that your LDR is running on 100%, true love.
You look forward to talking to each other
Long distance relationships are all about constant and consistent communication. You cannot be together physically, but this doesn’t mean that you cannot hang out and bond like any other couple.
The problem with phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails is that they tend to get redundant. However, for couples who have established a genuine bond, talking will not seem like a chore even though it has become like a routine.
You experiment with new LDR dates and activities
Successful LDR couples do not let something as petty as distance stop them from going out on love. I mean what does a couple hundred or thousand miles have on true love right? These couples will go all out on everything from cozy movie nights into casual walks and workouts.
You have healthy fights now and then
Fighting healthy is necessary for the success and survival of any relationship. That applies to LDRs too. Getting into these friendly fights every once in a while ensures that you both have a chance to get things off your chest before they get toxic. LDR couples who are truly in love have mastered this art. That means not only allowing occasionally necessary disagreements but also learning how to fight fair.
You both have something individual going on
If you and your partner are independent and can run your lives without unhealthy codependence, then your love is real. In infatuations, couples have their worlds revolving around each other resulting in very unhealthy LDRs. To be on the safe side, get a hobby or focus on your career such that the relationship is not all that is going on in your life at any one time.
You have a goal you are both working towards
Any successful long distance relationships are goal oriented. Maybe you want to get married after you are both stable and settled. Or it could be that you intend to move in together or close to each other to facilitate a more physical bond. Having this to look forward to and work towards is a sign that you are both in love.
You have your friends and family in on it
Whenever third parties such as friends and family are included, then things are getting pretty serious. It shows that you are both serious about the commitment and willingness to share it with your closest loved ones for the sake of accountability.
You find ways to keep it sexy
Intimacy is a major part of a relationship that is often ignored in LDRs. If you are really in love, you find ways to make it work despite the distance. It could be anything from sending sexy photos to full-on phone sex. It all depends on how kinky you are willing to get. However, whether it is PG 12 or PG 21 investing in this aspect of the relationship is proof of a really deep bond.
You make the most of every moment together
Whenever you get a chance to meet up you do not spend all your time sucking face and getting frisky. You take time to talk, get new experiences and of course spare some (not all) of the time for some intimate moments. If this describes your relationship, then your love is most likely real.
You still have a cheesy countdown system
That shows that you are still very excited to get to see each other despite being a couple for so long. It shows genuine love and desire to spend time together. What more would anyone want right?
You could be a success story too
You can and will make your long distance relationship work if you are willing to put in a little extra effort. It is also important that you both acknowledge the challenges of these arrangements and learn to adapt appropriately. That way, it doesn’t matter how far away you are from each other; you will find a way to make it work.
The post Is It True Love? 9 Signs Of A Strong Long Distance Relationship appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Distance is not the only thing you have to worry about
Long distance relationships are plagued with a lot of challenges. The good news is that if both of you are willing to work on them, it will all be worth it. One of these curveballs that you will have to deal with is the almost inevitable monotony.
Monotony happens mainly because of two things. The first is getting used to the routine. You call or text on the same day every day or week. You know exactly when you get to see each other. It gets old pretty fast, and you will get bored. The second reason is the distance itself. Remember the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’?
Yeah; enough said.
Keeping things hot and interesting
With this looming over your relationship like a dark cloud, you need to do whatever it takes to keep things interesting. Don’t worry; you don’t have to do anything extreme or too far out of your comfort zone. Sometimes it takes just a few adjustments and simple sacrifices, and you will notice the difference in no time. Below are some examples that will work.
With LDRs, it is important to have a visiting schedule. However, if you have the means then a surprise visit every once in a while will not hurt. It is a great way to express the desire to see each other and spend quality time.
Surprise phone calls and texts
If getting that ticket is a little too far out of budget then you could always settle for surprise phone calls. Call her at work to remind her how much you love her. Send a flirty text to show him that he is on your mind. It might be small acts, but they make all the difference.
Do not make the rookie LDR mistake of assuming that video chats and air travel sustain these relationships. It is possible to run it like a normal relationship including the going on dates part. All you have to do is be creative. You could do anything from binge-watching a show together to going on a virtual reality quest.
Share a naughty photo or two
They say a picture is worth a million words and these words couldn’t be any truer. If you want to spice things up, then you should consider sending a risqué photo. The whole scandalous nature of it all will get that heart racing which is exactly what you want.
You could also take it a notch higher from the photos to full-on online intimacy. Here, one important thing is to ensure that you are both on the same page. The last thing you want is for it to be awkward for either of you. If you are both game then do it.
Learn something new together
Do not forget that one of the most important aims of being in a relationship is growing together. Therefore, you can keep things interesting by learning a new skill together. That is made a whole lot easier these days with the many online classes available. So whether you want to learn how to bake or speak a new language, it should do wonders for your relationship.
Get a hobby
Another reason why long distance relationships run the risk of growing stale and boring is the lack of individual growth. If your relationship is all you have to focus on, then you will have trouble. To solve this problem, find new interests that will keep you sufficiently preoccupied.
Thoughtful gifts and treats
Finally, you could keep the romance alive by sending each other gifts. There are many different services available that facilitate this where all you need to do is browse their catalogs, pick and pay. It could be flowers, little home décor trinkets, a sentimental gift or whatever else makes them feel special and thought of.
Go forth and give your relationship a new lease on life
If you feel that you have plateaued in your relationship, then these tips will come in handy. They will also help if you are about to start a long distance arrangement and you want to avoid this eventuality. Just remember that the relationship will only be as fun as you and your partner are willing to make it. Another important take-home message is the importance of creativity and spontaneity. That ensures that you do not have time to get bored because you keep switching things up.
The post Long Distance Dating: How To Keep The Excitement Alive appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Need some inspiration to face your LDR struggles?
The one thing that we can all agree on is that long distance relationships can be great but are not easy. It is well-known whether you have been in such a relationship or not. However, this is not the only undeniable fact. The second truth is that LDR’s can work. There are many successful couples out there that are a testament to this including celebrities, global leaders and everyday folks like us.
So how do they do it? How do they navigate the very tricky waters of long-distance dating without falling apart? Here are eight answers to these questions and lessons that you can learn from successful long-distance couples.
What you can learn from the ‘experts.’
Constant and consistent communication
If you feel like you call or text too much then you are doing it right. The fact that you do not get to spend a lot of physical time together means that you need to find a way to compensate. Nothing works better than communication. You can call, text, write letters, send photos or whatever else it takes to make you feel connected to your beau.
It is not only important to have a lot of communication but also to be consistent with it. Do not be one of those couples that reach out non-stop for certain periods then disappear. Regularity is key.
Tech, tech and more tech
A good long distance relationship should be polyamorous arrangement including you, your beau and whatever gadgets out there that can help bring you two closer. That includes the cameras that allow you to capture moments you spend away from each other. It includes the phones and laptops that allow you to talk and technically see each other despite the numerous miles separating you.
It could even be virtual reality gadgets that allow you to explore new worlds together if that is an investment you are willing to make. The bottom line is that for long distance to work technology will have to be your friend.
Invest in face-to-face interaction
Plane tickets might be costly, but they are worth it. One thing that most if not all successful long-distance couples have in common is their willingness to invest in spending time together. Which means planning regular physical visits and constant back and forth traveling. It is important as calls, texts and virtual dates can only hold the relationship for a while.
Establish a routine and stick to it
Something else OG long-distance couples have taught us is the importance of routine. It creates a sense of stability that is very important when it comes to sustaining the relationship. Have a communication routine where you plan for things like video calls. Have a dating routine where you set up long-distance dates on a regular. Finally, have a schedule for physical trips to either person’s location
…but don’t ignore the value of spontaneity
Routines are great but if that is all that your long distance relationship is built on you will be in trouble. Another great tip from successful LDR couples is the power of spontaneity. Plan a surprise trip, send an unexpected flirty text or even get a gift delivered to your significant other. These random and unexpected displays of affection are what keep the romance alive in these types of relationships.
Work on yourself as a separate entity
People in successful long distance relationships also demonstrate a strong sense of independence. They love their partners and invest in the relationships while also taking the time to invest in themselves as individuals. It is an important lesson to learn if you are in such a relationship or about to enter one.
Take the time to discover and work on your interests. That will make it a lot easier for you to deal with all the challenges involved in long-distance dating.
Learn the art of trust
You will need to give the benefit of the doubt if your long distance relationship is to work. One thing that is evident from other people’s long distance arrangements is that insecurities are inevitable. The important thing is that you do not let doubts consume you. Address whatever questions you may have and most importantly learn how to trust your partner. If you can’t then it will not work out for you.
Have the end in mind
Another great lesson from these successful couples is the importance of having an end goal. An understanding of an end goal helps make going through all your LDR trials easy as you know that in the end, it will pay off. It could be that you plan on moving in together eventually. It could also be a more serious and lasting commitment like marriage. Just make sure you are on the same page about it.
In their nature, relationships are hard work. “Two different people are coming together as one” is a solution whose equation is never balanced. You know what is even harder? A long-distance relationship. I salute you if you are in one because, in addition to the hustle and bustle of loving a flawed being, you have distance as something to worry about.
I remember when I was in a long distance relationship myself. How I loved him! He was the Yin to my Yang and then boom! A job transfer to the other side of the coast. I did not know where to begin or how to maintain something I had worked so hard for. A year down the line, we called it quits, amicably. It was sad, but as is with all relationships, there needs to be a time when you call time of death and mine had come.
But why? You ask. How did I conclude that I needed to let go? What were the signs of a dying age?
The glue in a long distance relationship isn’t quality time, its communication. Calls, video chats and practically any imaginable way to keep the image of your partner present in your life. While normal couples get the luxury of any love language, couples in LDR have to work with communication.
If you are in an LDR and do not communicate for days, something is wrong. Truth is daily communication may be hard but two days is too long.
The desire to meet up is no longer present
Flying across states every weekend is expensive. Driving through the country is also pricey, and that is the truth. Meeting, however, is something essential for couples in long distance relationships. The desire to meet should be present, the active seeking out of each other is also a necessity.
If neither you nor your partner feels the need, then your relationship may be on the rocks.
The foundation is not strong enough
When relationships get hard, couples can always fall back to friendship. If your relationship got tossed into a long distance one before complete prior knowledge of each other, you would find it harder to fight together or to stay afloat when hit but the waves of distance.
Your interests are no longer in line
If the plan from the beginning was to work for the time and reunite, then in the middle of it all, it suddenly seems the other partner wants to settle down there, or even start a practice, your relationship is showing major red flags.
The wandering eyes begin
If the object at the focus of your eyes or your partner’s eyes is no longer you, then they have ultimately decided to move on. There is a saying that goes “The eyes see what the heart is looking for,” and it’s true. The likelihood of finding love with someone else doubles when you shift focus from your partner – and as it turns out, this is also a great place to abort the mission.
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Your relationship frustrates you
People get into relationships for many reasons. The major one being companionship. The thing about a good partner is that you get to grow, you are challenged to be better and ultimately regardless of what goes on in the world, and you have a friend, a sanctuary. At any one time when a relationship takes happiness from you, it is not worth being in. If the thought of your relationship brings you to anguish and turmoil, you are better off alone.
You are staying in it for the wrong reason
The only time you should stay in a relationship that is on the rocks is if both of you are in love and want to work it out. If you are driven by guilt or are afraid to leave on account of fear, or the opinion of others, then you need a midnight train to Georgia. Never feel the need to be hurt on account of you don’t want to hurt your partner. Ultimately, they will get hurt- and the sooner, the better so they can get over it.
Some relationships are not forever, and that is okay. The expectation we put on forever binds us to dysfunctional relationships that drive us deeper into depression. The most important thing for people in LDRs is not the end but the beginning. It is important to walk into the relationship with enthusiasm, and a little sprinkle of optimism. Your relationship may work, but even if it doesn’t, a break up is not the worst thing to embrace.
The post Is Your Long Distance Relationship Still Thriving, Or Should You Call It Quits? appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Long distance relationships are hard – from the emotional need that comes with being far from each other, to the lack of face-to-face communication. You may find that the holiday seasons are the worst.
Deciding to break up after dating long distance is not easy. It takes a lot of energy to decide that something is not working for you and it needs fixing. Kudos for taking the first step.
The second challenge – and the hardest of all – is effectively communicating this to your loved one in a way that protects their dignity and leaves them at peace. Break-ups are usually messy because the decision to break up is often unilateral.
It is easy to slide back into an unhappy relationship when you know that your partner is still willing. So it’s important to be sure that this is what you want. It is even recommended that you do a well-argued and written down pros-cons list to guide and defend your position.
With a desire to learn the best way to approach this tough topic, I sought the opinion of many individuals who have either broken up with a long-distance partner or have been on the receiving end of a break-up. Below is a compilation of how to approach the topic, as well as pointers on what to expect:
Timing is very important
The best position when negotiating a break up is that of your partner. Putting yourself in their shoes helps you navigate the process in a kind and dignifying way. That protects their self-esteem and gives them a fair fighting chance.
Take note of their schedule. Check for major events like an exam, a presentation, a job pitch or even a job interview. It tells you that giving them sad news may prevent them from effectively participating in tasks that will require confidence and charisma. Steer away from setting a break-up before a major holiday, a birthday, or an activity requiring full concentration.
If a break-up has to happen, then effectively schedule a couple of days on their calendar just for that. It is important to avoid awkward situations such as having someone you love travel or fly a long distance only to have their heart broken.
Nobody wants to receive bad news via text. In the modern world especially, ghosting is a very effective way of telling a person that you are no longer interested in their company. Ghosting is however not kind. It’s terribly immature and downright disrespectful.
The closest you can get to a decent face-to-face break-up is a phone call. With FaceTime, WeChat, Viber, Skype, Google Duo, and other video calling apps readily available, you can have this hard conversation face-to-face decently, and with respect.
If you are planning a break-up, schedule a call with your partner and talk to them like you would to a friend. Regardless of the differences at present, remember that this is someone you considered a lover at one point.
Give your partner a heads up that you have something “not-so-good” to say to them later. Ask them to tell you when they will be available. Take into consideration their plans and schedules especially if you are in different time zones. Nobody wants to have to wake up to heartbreak.
Tell them that you would like a Skype or video call and give them choices, so they get to pick when and how. This process ensures a win-win encounter.
Talk to your partner like a friend. Avoid the instinct to jump straight to the breakup. While the tension under currents may still be strong in the air, actively seek to create a peaceful atmosphere. Approach the topic with concern and empathy. Explain your position without attacking your partner. Give time for them to process.
At this point, you should expect tears, a little yelling may also occur – and this is allowed. As much as possible, seek to hear them out. Validate them while resisting the urge to abort the mission. Allow your partner and you to go through the motions of shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance.
When it is over, appreciate the time you spent with them and affirm them.
It is normal to feel the urge to go back. Don’t. Allow yourself to grieve. After all, you have lost a part of yourself as well. Shed a few tears – drink if you need to – but after all is said and done, rise, stand up and move forward.
Better days are yet to come!
The age of digital infidelity
Relationships are changing with the times, and social media has without a doubt had a huge impact. These platforms have affected everything from how we meet potential partners to how we document our romantic journeys.
One other significant way that social media has changed dating and relationships is by introducing us to the age of online cheating. It could be anything from micro-cheating to full-on infidelity. If you suspect that you are a victim of this in your relationship then here are a few signs that should help you confirm it.
Social media signs to look out for:
Having several accounts is one of the most common signs that your partner is using social media to cheat on you. However, this does not mean that all people with multiple accounts are unfaithful.
The red flag pops up when your partner leaves you completely uninformed of these secondary accounts. If that is the case, then the chances are that you are getting played.
Most social media platforms allow you to hide your content from public view. Hiding personal data is a completely acceptable practice. The fact that someone has multiple accounts is not always a direct sign of cheating.
The problem is when your partner has such an account and refuses to connect with you either by accepting your friend request or following you back. That leaves you completely in the dark on all their social media exploits which is usually a sign that they have something to hide.
Many friends you don’t know about
If you have been with your partner for a long time chances are that you know most if not all of their friends. That applies for both online and offline pals. If your partner has a lot of friends in their romantic gender preferences that you do not know about, then you need to get concerned. More often than not, this is a sign of micro-cheating.
Phubbing is what the cool kids these days are using to refer to phone addiction and subsequent snubbing of partners. If your partner is always on social media, then there is cause for concern. A path such as this usually leads to micro-cheating and later on full physical and emotional unfaithfulness.
Laughing alone while on the phone/computer
You know that incredibly annoying feeling when your partner keeps laughing at secret jokes on their phone without including you? Whenever you try to find out more, you get hit with “It’s nothing” or “You won’t get it.” In addition to being irksome, it is a red flag you should pay attention to.
Failure to acknowledge you as the significant other
We live in a day and age where if it is not on social media then it probably didn’t happen. The same applies to relationships. You do not have to be that pair that is constantly posting couples photos together.
However, acknowledging each other goes a long way towards making your relationship public. If your partner avoids this without any good reason, then the chances are that he is not only cheating on you but also cheating with you.
Ignoring your online activity
He doesn’t ever leave comments on your posts. He doesn’t like photos you put up. He asks as though you do not exist. It usually happens when your partner is trying to distance himself from you and is something you should address.
Regular communication with a specific person
More often this is an ex, or a recent fling they swear is completely harmless. He might claim that the interaction is purely platonic, but there is a fine line between this and micro-cheating. Watch out for it.
Over-protective of their devices
If your partner’s phone/tablet/laptop is better protected than CIA servers, then you might have something to worry about. Over-protectiveness is another one of those signs that point towards the possibility that your partner is hiding something.
Any other unusual change in behavior
Sometimes the signs are not even related to their social media habits. It could be subtle changes in behavior like being distant, coming home at odd hours and numerous plans with strangers.
One thing is for sure; online cheating is alive and rampant in this day and age. The good thing is that the signs are pretty easy to pick out. If your significant other is showing one, more or all of them then you cannot afford to ignore the red flags.
Do some sleuthing of your own and then confront them when you are ready. That way you can get the answers you need to determine whether or not that is a relationship you want to continue with.
The post Is He Cheating? Watch Out For These Social Media Signs appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
We live in a day and age where pretty much everyone is obsessed with sharing their lives online. This kind of sharing creates unrealistically high standards for everything from beauty to culinary skills. I mean, it’s already hard enough not burning down the house when making an omelet without the pressure of making it look like something from a five-star chef.
One thing that has been affected negatively by the social media craze is how relationships today function. With things like #bae and #couplegoals, it seems like there is always some new idea of perfection that your relationship needs to conform to. Comparing yourselves to these seemingly ideal setups is never a good idea. Here are nine reasons why.
Nine reasons to avoid comparison
Not everything is as it seems
No one on the internet wants to make themselves look bad. It is therefore highly unlikely that what couples post online is a completely accurate representation of what happens in real life. They may seem perfect with those romantic getaways, expensive gifts and physical displays of affection that melt your heart. But the truth is that they fight, struggle and probably cannot stand each other offline like any other ordinary couple.
It may make you bitter and resentful
Comparing your relationship with those you see whether online or offline will make you bitter. This bitterness comes about when you see that someone gets treated the way you wish your partner would treat you. Maybe you like PDA, and your partner just won’t come through for you. Or it could be that you crave some grand romantic gesture that your beau has no idea about. Whatever it is, it will make you bitter and angry about things that aren’t even real issues.
… or it could make you vain
On the other hand, comparing your relationship to others’ could make you full of yourself. Arrogance is what happens with couples that think that they are the strongest, closest or most powerful in the universe. News flash, honey, there is no such thing as the best couple ever. It doesn’t matter how connected you feel. There are just too many variables involved in relationships for you to quantify their value accurately.
You will start taking things for granted
Taking things for granted is connected to the feelings of resentment and bitterness associated with this unhealthy comparison. You focus so much on what your partner is not doing for you that you forget to appreciate what they do. If you don’t appreciate your partner, it spells disaster for the relationship.
It gives you unrealistic hopes
Single folk are most likely to have unrealistic hopes. You troll the internet going through couples goals tags and start filling your head with ideas on what a relationship should be. When these expectations don’t get met, you might end up feeling like your relationship is a failure when it is just what happens in real life.
Every relationship and couple is different
Avoid comparing yourself to other couples because no two relationships are the same. It doesn’t matter what similarities your situations share. The fact that there are different individuals involved shifts the dynamics of the interaction. Shifts mean that they handle things, both good and bad, drastically different. In a nutshell, relationships are too unique to be compared fairly.
It creates an unhealthy sense of competition
Some people react to what they see online by getting the urge to outdo their made-up competitors. You think if they could do it then you can do better. Competing takes away from the purity and genuineness that every healthy relationship should have and replaces it with toxicity and immaturity.
It is a massive waste of your time
You are in a healthy relationship where you are fairly happy and content. Instead of wasting your time trying to find faults by comparison, why not use it to strengthen your connection. This focus saves you not only time but also physical and mental energy for a better relationship.
Your happily ever after will come at its own time
Everyone has their own life and timeline. Just because your best friend from high school got married at 23, it doesn’t mean that you should. Understanding this and accepting it as the truth will save you a lot of emotional stress. So do not be too hard on yourself or your relationship. If you put in the hard work and some patience you too will get your version of perfection.
The post Why You Should Never Compare Your Relationship To Someone Else’s appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Dating a foreign person is exciting. As you have your online chats or face to face conversations, you don’t only know more about who the person is and what he or she likes. You also learn more about the person’s culture, country, and way of life. All of these can be exhilarating and refreshing because it is all new. However, you need to remember that dating a foreign person doesn’t come without challenges.
Before Dating a Foreign Person, You Have to Consider the Following
Dating a foreigner has its downs, just like any other relationship. In most cases, it involves communicating through the internet while being in a long-distance relationship. It could be worth it, but we all know that it requires a lot of work for the relationship to become successful. Before you jump into this situation, it’s best to ask yourself the following questions for you to be certain that you’re ready:
1. Am I emotionally ready to date someone who isn’t with me physically?
The longing you will feel will be great. I once dated someone from New York. We were already friends before he left my city for the Big Apple. When his family migrated, we began talking online, and then pursued an online relationship. When we were still a couple, we always wished that we got into a relationship before he left because the longing to be with each other was too great.
2. Will the communication barrier be a big deal?
Communication is a big deal when you are in a long-distance relationship. It would be great if you can both speak English fluently. However, there will still be misunderstandings, especially if English isn’t the first language for you both. You need to figure out if you have enough patience when this happens.
3. Am I ready to stand up for our relationship?
Whether you like it or not, there will be those who will blatantly show how they dislike you dating a foreign person. On your date’s side, it is probably the same. I remember when I first started going out with a gentleman named John. He was great, but his family wasn’t too keen on him dating a Latina woman. Eventually, John caved in, and we went our separate ways.
4. Can I keep up with the communication needs of this relationship?
One of the hardest parts of dating a foreigner and being in a long-distance relationship is the timing. Everything can get screwed up easily when you have different time zones. It would be a total disaster if your morning time would be your date’s night time. One has to sacrifice and compromise to maintain good communication.
5. Financially, is it possible for us to visit each other?
If neither of you in a relationship is financially capable of visiting each other, it’s going to be even more challenging. Yes, it’s possible to save up, but saving requires time. For you, that’s time lost. If you had the means financially, you would be able to book a plane ticket anytime and go.
6. Will I be able to get over my trust issue?
Let’s be honest. We hold some baggage from the previous relationships we’ve had. We take the baggage with us wherever we go. If one of your issues is about trust, then you have to know that your suspicious way of thinking will worsen when you are in a long-distance relationship. You won’t be able to see your partner 24/7. With trust issues, you have this feeling that your partner is lying in some way even though the person isn’t. Would you be able to get over this?
7. Will we have the same level of commitment to make the relationship work?
Lastly, let’s talk about how committed you and your future date are going to be. Do you remember the guy from New York I told you about earlier? We weren’t really on the same page when it came to commitment. He wanted to focus on his art and career, while I was trying to make things work. It was like I was investing 100% while he only put in about 50% (the other 50% goes to his career). I became frustrated, and I felt neglected. As you may have guessed, it did not work out at all.
The problem with most of us is that we jump into dating a foreign person with the wrong perspective. When the challenges arrive, we are not equipped to handle any of them because we went into a situation that we thought would be easy and problem free. We usually focus too much on the lovey-dovey stuff that we fail to see and prepare ourselves for the difficulties to come.
The post Questions to Ask Yourself Before Dating a Foreigner appeared first on My Long Distance Love.