Long distance relationships can be hard. Scratch that. They ARE hard. Not seeing the woman you love over long periods, especially if you were used to seeing them daily, is almost like torture.
Phone calls, texts, and Facetime help, but sometimes you need a physical reminder of her to somehow bridge the distance.
There are many ways to make it feel like your partner is there with you, even though they are states, or even continents away.
Here are some great long-distance relationship gifts for her that can help bring you closer as a couple.
Matching bracelets, or wrist bands, are the best things for couples since you can wear them literally everywhere. In the office, at the gym, while showering… and apart from arm jewelry, you could also get matching rings, or any other piece of ornamentation too. The cool thing is that you can have them engraved with your names, or any other message that would warm her heart and remind her of you.
Wine subscriptions and coffee deliveries
The good thing about coffee and wine is that they can be had on a daily- and here is a groovy way to go about it. Get a coffee brewery /shop she loves to deliver to her workplace a hot mug daily, or every other day, according to what she prefers. You could also have wine for her once in a while, with a sweet message alongside it too.
Girls love cuddles. Being wrapped up in your arms has to be her favorite places to be, and you can bet she misses this. You can get her a weighted blankie that will feel like she’s in someone’s arms, and keep her warm till you can hold her again.
Personalized face pillows and pillowcases
“Sweet dreams are made of this… who am I to disagree?” These lyrics best apply here. Resting her face on her favorite picture of you, or even the both of you, or a pillow with your name, or a sweet message, would most definitely make her night much better.
A naughty card
One of the hardest things about a long-distance relationship is the fact that you are not having sex with her anymore, or at all, actually. This void can be pretty hard to fill. You could send her a little naughty card with a sexy message inside. This will keep you in her mind, and also help build up anticipation for the day you meet, which trust me, can only be a good thing.
Wearing a pair of panties and briefs that reminds you of your loved one is super cute, and can also be a bit sensual. To make it even much more fun, you could plan to wear them on the same day, and feel much more connected.
This is borrowing from age old generations, but adding a touch of modernism to it. You know how our parents would hang up pictures of them on their wedding day, or on vacations? Well, it serves a purpose. Having a picture of your loved one in your home adds a certain warmth to it, both for the house and your heart.
Thanks to modern technology, a mug doesn’t necessarily have to show just a plain old picture or a name. Have you seen the kind of mugs that reveal a picture when you pour a liquid into them? They seem plain at first, but slowly reveal a picture or message once you put anything hot in them. You can get her one of these and keep your relationship heated up.
Wrapping It Up
Picking the right gift for your long-distance partner may not be an easy task. The trick lies in how well you know your girlfriend. Some presents are best for people who are into cuddling, others for ladies who are into wine or coffee.
Pick what you know would excite her, and to make the gift even more heartwarming, surprise her. Have it shipped to her address and have her thinking of you in the middle of the day.
We hope this article has helped you figure out what long distance relationship gifts for her are best. Hugs and cuddles to the both of you!
The post 8 Great Long-Distance Relationship Gifts for Your Girlfriend appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Yep, you still have to give gifts
One of the most significant challenges of being in a long-distance relationship is the fact that you have to think outside the box to get the same experience normal couples get.
Your dates have to be modified to what can be supported by technology today. You have to get creative in terms of how to maintain physical intimacy and excitement in the relationship. Finally, you need to figure out how to keep giving each other gifts despite the long distance.
With gifts in particular, there are many platforms available that make life that much easier for LDR couples. You could have it delivered overnight from where you are. Or you could even pay and have it delivered from by a vendor near them.
The tricky part is deciding exactly what to get them because the needs in these particular relationships are different. To make life easier for you, here is a list of long-distance relationship gifts for him to show that though you are apart you still think of your beau.
9 LDR gifts your beau will love
This could be anything from engraved necklaces to puzzle piece bracelets. The idea here is to let them have something that you have the corresponding piece for. That way every time he looks at it he is reminded of the love and bond that the two of you share.
Long distance connected lamps
This is a fairly specific product designed for people in long distance relationships. They come as a set of two which are connected remotely via the internet. Once one of you taps on the lamp, it changes color on both ends. So you could tap yours when you get home to let him know that you arrived safe. Or you could do it to let him know that you were thinking about him.
If your boyfriend, fiancé or husband is a real cuddling fan then he will truly appreciate these. Make it more interesting by getting one that has feminine features with all the curves and bumps to make it feel more realistic. That way, his cuddling needs are met even if his cuddling partner is hundreds or thousands of miles away.
A nice wristwatch
When it comes to giving gifts to men, you can never really go wrong with a nice wristwatch. But what does this even have to do with long distance relationships? I’m glad you asked. You can turn it into a super cheesy and romantic gift by including a note that mentions how the watch is a representation of how you think of him all the time. If he loves puns then he will love the gift.
A mixtape; or in this day and age an online playlist
Music has a way of expressing our emotions in better and more powerful ways than we ever could. So why not make him a playlist? It could be of your favorite songs as a couple so that whenever he listens to them he is reminded of all the magical times you have had together.
Another great idea is to have a playlist of songs about long-distance relationships as a source of inspiration and to remind him that you too can make it as a couple.
Printed pillows with a special message
Get him a pillow with something sweet printed on it. It could be something as simple as an “I love you” script or even a more personalized message. And if you feel like being extra goofy then you could always get him a pillow with your face printed on the case. That way he always thinks of you when he goes to bed.
A message in a bottle
Letters are ok and all but if you really want to switch it up then send them a message in a bottle. This is a really cool way to make something simple and traditional a lot more interesting. The best part is that once they have read your super cheesy letter reminding them of how much you love them then they get a new piece of décor for the fireplace or something.
Hand-me-downs from you… yes, you read that right
Send him your favorite scarf or that oversized T-shirt that you always wear. And make sure it has your fragrance on it. This is a super sweet and thoughtful gift that will make him feel like you are there with him. If he misses you then all he has to do is take a whiff and he is reminded of what he has to look forward to.
A ticket to come visit
If you can afford it, then get him the best gift of all; a chance to get to see you and hang out in person. This will definitely get you a lot of “thank you” and “I love you messages” from him.
The post Gifts for Him – 9 Gift Ideas for Your Long-Distance Boyfriend appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
This long distance is killing you…
Being in a long distance relationship comes with its fair share of problems. There is the potential difference in time zone and the subsequent struggle to find the perfect time to catch up. There is a limited supply of fun date and adventure ideas. Then you have the physical absence and so much more.
Fortunately for long distance couples these days, technology offers a solution to most if not all of the challenges faced. Mobile Apps for long distance relationships, in particular, have revolutionized how you get to run your LDR. If you are new to the setup or you are just looking for ways to bring you and your long-term long-distance partner together, here are 9 apps to try out.
9 best apps for long distance relationships
When it comes to long distance apps Skype is sort of like that immortal and seemingly all-powerful hero for couples that shows no sign of being outdated. In fact, it constantly improves with things like Skype Qik making life easier for couples in long-distance setups.
This particular product allows sending video messages in addition to the video calls and messages. This is perfect for those says you want to talk but your schedules just won’t let you.
This one is unique but pretty awesome in that it simulates social media networks. You get to update statuses and photos and let your partner be up to date on all that is happening in your life. It also allows you to like and comment on each other’s posts. What makes it different? Well, it is just you and your partner there.
It also features a special function known as Thumbkiss. This sends little vibrations to your partner’s phone simulating physical touch. Yeah; it is ok to let your heart melt now.
One of the most important keys to success in a long distance relationship is upholding romantic traditions and gestures like gifting. Sesame is one of the best apps for long distance as it allows you to send gifts and care packages to your partner. Just log on, pick a package, give the address, pay and wait for your beau’s 100 thank you texts.
This is not just sweet but also functional. It is designed to help you with functions like tracking the time you have spent apart. It could also be used to manage countdowns to future meetups.
In addition to these, Without comes with a variety of message templates and reminders to reach out. That way you not only constantly keep in touch but you always know what to say.
One of the greatest challenges of LDRs is the fact that being apart makes it difficult to bond and get to know each other. That is where The Ice Break comes in. It has an interesting format where the app posts questions and you both get to share the answer. It is sort of like a group chat between you two and the program. It is really a great way to hang out and get to know each other better.
AmoLatina is another great long-distance dating app with features ranging from video chat and live messaging to sending flowers and presents. It’s like a mix of WhatsApp, Sesame, and Skype Qik all in one.
Like The Ice Break, it’s the perfect app for those just beginning their relationship as the site allows members to get to know each other in a safe and secure environment.
WhatsApp is technically not designed specifically for LDR needs. However, it meets all of them in an amazing way. You get instant messaging with the ability to share photos, videos and other forms of media. It also offers free voice and video calls. All you need is to have a good internet connection. Finally, you get to share with your partner what you are up to through the app’s status update feature.
Writing sweet notes or reminders goes a long way in long distance relationships. It shows your partner that you are thinking about them and you still care. This app takes this lovely gesture to the next level by allowing you to send notes as doodles. These will pop up on your partner’s screen whenever sent making for an adorable surprise.
This is one of those LDR apps that is perfect for a couple that really values physical intimacy. Being physically away from each other can take its toll on this very important aspect of the relationship. We-Connect helps you salvage the situation by facilitating long distance fun time. It could be anything from sharing sexy pictures and video chats to remote control of toys.
All these apps for long distance couples are awesome. Whether it is sending a sweet note during your girlfriend’s workday or sending him a thoughtful gift for his birthday, they all make a huge difference. So if you feel that something has been missing in your LDR, download one of them. Heck, get all of them if you can and you will see how much positive change they will effect.
Being in a long-distance relationship is like living in an entirely different planet. People in normal relationships don’t seem to get what you are going through. You explain the joys and beautiful moments, and it’s like you are speaking another language. You want to share your struggles, but they cannot relate.
Luckily, musicians seem to get it. There are actually many songs out there about such setups that you and your partner can jam to on your numerous video chats.
Here are 10 best songs that LDR lovers can relate to.
“Hey there Delilah”- Plain White T’s
This song is about a long distance pair where one is left at home while the other chases stardom. This happens a lot these days but with slight variations. Maybe you left your partner to go pursue a degree abroad. Or maybe your better half got a job offer that they couldn’t refuse in a different state. Whatever the case you will definitely get a serious case of the feels with this one.
“Right here waiting”- Richard Marx
This powerful ballad is one of the best love songs about long distance relationships of all times. It talks about always being there for each other despite being so far away. It also covers a lot of relatable examples of struggles that other LDR couples face. This will definitely make it easier to deal with the heartache you feel everyday being oceans apart.
“Leaving on a jet plane”- John Denver
This is one of the most awesome classic rock songs about long distance relationships. It focuses a lot on the constant travelling that happens between couples in these relationships. You are literally always booking flights, taking them or saving up for the next ones. It is a beautiful struggle captured incredibly by Denver’s powerful lyrics. The song also touches on how hard it is to say goodbye which is something you can definitely relate to.
“Love ain’t’- CunninLynguists feat. Tonedeff
If you are a fan of hip hop and rap then this song will end up being your long distance relationship anthem. It does not specifically talk about dating while far apart but it emphasizes on the fact that love is hard work. And no one understands this better than you in your LDR setup. It also has some pretty awesome lines about how quitting is just not an option which is a mindset every couple dating long distance should have. It definitely deserves the title of being one of the best rap songs about long distance relationships.
“One call away”- Charlie Puth
This is one of the more modern options on this hit list but it brings out the beauty of these relationships in a great way. It might be hard to be far away but after all is said and done all you have to do is pick up the phone and you have your support system right there.
“I’m gonna be (500 Miles)”- The Proclaimers
This super goofy song is actually really deep. He sings about how distance is not a hindrance to their expression of love. I mean he basically vows to walk a hundred miles if it is needed just to be there for his partner. I mean is that isn’t long distance relationship goals then I don’t know what is.
“Here without you”- 3 Doors Down
This one is for those times where you really miss your partner and you just want to listen to a song that echoes these mood. It is a really sweet song about how much pain you can be in away from the one you love.
“Need you now”- Lady Antebellum
This is one of those songs that you send to your LDR partner to remind them how much you love them and would want to be with them. With the band’s powerful lyrics and beautiful harmonies, your beau will definitely get the message.
“You are not alone”- Michael Jackson
Sometimes being in a long distance relationship can make you feel super lonely. You might even get to a point where you don’t see the point of sticking around because it feels like you might as well not be dating. Michael understood this and found the most beautiful way of expressing it and how to deal with it.
“Long distance”- Brandy
Last but not least is the ultimate long distance relationship anthem. It literally has the name ‘long distance’ as its title. Brandy did a great job with this one highlighting the highs and lows of choosing this life. It is definitely a song you and your partner will love, overplay and massacre during your video chat karaoke dates.
Love that knows no borders
Marrying a foreigner seems like something straight out of a fairytale, at least at a glance. There is almost always a captivating and odds-defying story of how a couple met. Maybe it was in a passenger terminal after grounded flights. Or it could be one of those unicorn successful online dating stories.
In addition to the magical meeting, you get bragging rights on being a strong couple. I mean who else can say their love has survived cultural differences, language barriers and being continents apart?
While these success stories are heartwarming, it is important that you appreciate that there is so much more to them than happily ever after. It takes a lot more work than any other kind of relationship including LDRs in the same country.
If you are already in one or planning to find love abroad, here are a few bits of advice for international couples and how to make this challenge-ridden setup work.
Learn the language
Marrying someone from another country can mean that there will be a language barrier. These days, there are many apps and online services that allow immediate translation for easier communication. However, these will only serve your relationship well for a while. A time will come where you will have to learn to speak for yourself and the sooner you do it, the better.
Make their country your second home
If you have entered into a serious commitment, then you will have to invest more than just your time, emotions and effort. Start saving up and planning trips back and forth. That allows you to spend much needed time together to strengthen the bond further.
Prepare for cultural differences
According to most international marriage statistics, cultural differences are a major cause of issues in LDRs where international borders are crossed. A recent study shows cultural misunderstanding is the leading cause of international relationship failure. It does not necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed to fail and you should give up. What you need to do is to, first of all, appreciate that the differences are inevitable. After that, all you need to do is be willing to appreciate each other’s cultures, compromise and create new traditions of your own.
Let go of the stereotypes
Do not view your beau as a novelty prize or a twisted realization of your ethnic fetish. It is ok to appreciate that your partner comes from a country whose people you typically find attractive but do not reduce them to just that.
In the same way, make sure to avoid negative stereotypes that paint your partner into a box. Go in with an open mind and let them surprise you. They will.
Get family and friends involved
That is particularly important for serious international relationships where you feel you have completed your search for a prince or princess charming. Getting loved ones involved first of all makes you as a couple responsible and accountable. That greatly increases your chances of succeeding. The introduction might also help pick out red flags that you could not see through your heart-shaped goo-goo eyes.
Have an end goal in mind
If you marry someone from another country, do not think that your job is done. If anything the hard work is just beginning. Have a plan first and foremost of where you plan on living. It is also important to agree on things like which cultural traditions to maintain and also how to raise your kids. Having these things thought out in advance will save you a lot of time and trouble down the line.
Get your head out of the clouds
Finally, do not feel the need to stay in that long distance relationship out of duty or feeling that you worked too hard to keep it. As with any other relationship or marriage where the couple is nearby, these relationships fail. The international marriage divorce rate as of 2018 was at about 50%. The good news is that if you are determined to make it work, open and honest, then you might not have to worry about this.
International marriage might be hard, but this doesn’t mean that you give up. I mean, what are phones and computers and airplanes for if not to make your relationship easier? You need to approach it with a realistic, focused and a determined point of view. That, plus a little bit of hard work, and it shouldn’t matter what is working against your relationship. It will be you and your beau against the world – and with these tips, you stand a chance of winning.
The post 7 Invaluable Pieces of Advice for International Couples appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Is it real or just in your head?
With long-distance relationships, the illusion of love is very easy to maintain. You and your partner are not exposed to each other long enough to pick out potential deal breakers and pet peeves. So how exactly will you know that what you have is the real deal? How will you know that you are not just another one of those basic LDR couples that think they are in love but can’t sustain a one on one conversation?
Below is the answer, in the form of nine signs that your LDR is running on 100%, true love.
You look forward to talking to each other
Long distance relationships are all about constant and consistent communication. You cannot be together physically, but this doesn’t mean that you cannot hang out and bond like any other couple.
The problem with phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails is that they tend to get redundant. However, for couples who have established a genuine bond, talking will not seem like a chore even though it has become like a routine.
You experiment with new LDR dates and activities
Successful LDR couples do not let something as petty as distance stop them from going out on love. I mean what does a couple hundred or thousand miles have on true love right? These couples will go all out on everything from cozy movie nights into casual walks and workouts.
You have healthy fights now and then
Fighting healthy is necessary for the success and survival of any relationship. That applies to LDRs too. Getting into these friendly fights every once in a while ensures that you both have a chance to get things off your chest before they get toxic. LDR couples who are truly in love have mastered this art. That means not only allowing occasionally necessary disagreements but also learning how to fight fair.
You both have something individual going on
If you and your partner are independent and can run your lives without unhealthy codependence, then your love is real. In infatuations, couples have their worlds revolving around each other resulting in very unhealthy LDRs. To be on the safe side, get a hobby or focus on your career such that the relationship is not all that is going on in your life at any one time.
You have a goal you are both working towards
Any successful long distance relationships are goal oriented. Maybe you want to get married after you are both stable and settled. Or it could be that you intend to move in together or close to each other to facilitate a more physical bond. Having this to look forward to and work towards is a sign that you are both in love.
You have your friends and family in on it
Whenever third parties such as friends and family are included, then things are getting pretty serious. It shows that you are both serious about the commitment and willingness to share it with your closest loved ones for the sake of accountability.
You find ways to keep it sexy
Intimacy is a major part of a relationship that is often ignored in LDRs. If you are really in love, you find ways to make it work despite the distance. It could be anything from sending sexy photos to full-on phone sex. It all depends on how kinky you are willing to get. However, whether it is PG 12 or PG 21 investing in this aspect of the relationship is proof of a really deep bond.
You make the most of every moment together
Whenever you get a chance to meet up you do not spend all your time sucking face and getting frisky. You take time to talk, get new experiences and of course spare some (not all) of the time for some intimate moments. If this describes your relationship, then your love is most likely real.
You still have a cheesy countdown system
That shows that you are still very excited to get to see each other despite being a couple for so long. It shows genuine love and desire to spend time together. What more would anyone want right?
You could be a success story too
You can and will make your long distance relationship work if you are willing to put in a little extra effort. It is also important that you both acknowledge the challenges of these arrangements and learn to adapt appropriately. That way, it doesn’t matter how far away you are from each other; you will find a way to make it work.
The post Is It True Love? 9 Signs Of A Strong Long Distance Relationship appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Distance is not the only thing you have to worry about
Long distance relationships are plagued with a lot of challenges. The good news is that if both of you are willing to work on them, it will all be worth it. One of these curveballs that you will have to deal with is the almost inevitable monotony.
Monotony happens mainly because of two things. The first is getting used to the routine. You call or text on the same day every day or week. You know exactly when you get to see each other. It gets old pretty fast, and you will get bored. The second reason is the distance itself. Remember the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’?
Yeah; enough said.
Keeping things hot and interesting
With this looming over your relationship like a dark cloud, you need to do whatever it takes to keep things interesting. Don’t worry; you don’t have to do anything extreme or too far out of your comfort zone. Sometimes it takes just a few adjustments and simple sacrifices, and you will notice the difference in no time. Below are some examples that will work.
With LDRs, it is important to have a visiting schedule. However, if you have the means then a surprise visit every once in a while will not hurt. It is a great way to express the desire to see each other and spend quality time.
Surprise phone calls and texts
If getting that ticket is a little too far out of budget then you could always settle for surprise phone calls. Call her at work to remind her how much you love her. Send a flirty text to show him that he is on your mind. It might be small acts, but they make all the difference.
Do not make the rookie LDR mistake of assuming that video chats and air travel sustain these relationships. It is possible to run it like a normal relationship including the going on dates part. All you have to do is be creative. You could do anything from binge-watching a show together to going on a virtual reality quest.
Share a naughty photo or two
They say a picture is worth a million words and these words couldn’t be any truer. If you want to spice things up, then you should consider sending a risqué photo. The whole scandalous nature of it all will get that heart racing which is exactly what you want.
You could also take it a notch higher from the photos to full-on online intimacy. Here, one important thing is to ensure that you are both on the same page. The last thing you want is for it to be awkward for either of you. If you are both game then do it.
Learn something new together
Do not forget that one of the most important aims of being in a relationship is growing together. Therefore, you can keep things interesting by learning a new skill together. That is made a whole lot easier these days with the many online classes available. So whether you want to learn how to bake or speak a new language, it should do wonders for your relationship.
Get a hobby
Another reason why long distance relationships run the risk of growing stale and boring is the lack of individual growth. If your relationship is all you have to focus on, then you will have trouble. To solve this problem, find new interests that will keep you sufficiently preoccupied.
Thoughtful gifts and treats
Finally, you could keep the romance alive by sending each other gifts. There are many different services available that facilitate this where all you need to do is browse their catalogs, pick and pay. It could be flowers, little home décor trinkets, a sentimental gift or whatever else makes them feel special and thought of.
Go forth and give your relationship a new lease on life
If you feel that you have plateaued in your relationship, then these tips will come in handy. They will also help if you are about to start a long distance arrangement and you want to avoid this eventuality. Just remember that the relationship will only be as fun as you and your partner are willing to make it. Another important take-home message is the importance of creativity and spontaneity. That ensures that you do not have time to get bored because you keep switching things up.
The post Long Distance Dating: How To Keep The Excitement Alive appeared first on My Long Distance Love.
Need some inspiration to face your LDR struggles?
The one thing that we can all agree on is that long distance relationships can be great but are not easy. It is well-known whether you have been in such a relationship or not. However, this is not the only undeniable fact. The second truth is that LDR’s can work. There are many successful couples out there that are a testament to this including celebrities, global leaders and everyday folks like us.
So how do they do it? How do they navigate the very tricky waters of long-distance dating without falling apart? Here are eight answers to these questions and lessons that you can learn from successful long-distance couples.
What you can learn from the ‘experts.’
Constant and consistent communication
If you feel like you call or text too much then you are doing it right. The fact that you do not get to spend a lot of physical time together means that you need to find a way to compensate. Nothing works better than communication. You can call, text, write letters, send photos or whatever else it takes to make you feel connected to your beau.
It is not only important to have a lot of communication but also to be consistent with it. Do not be one of those couples that reach out non-stop for certain periods then disappear. Regularity is key.
Tech, tech and more tech
A good long distance relationship should be polyamorous arrangement including you, your beau and whatever gadgets out there that can help bring you two closer. That includes the cameras that allow you to capture moments you spend away from each other. It includes the phones and laptops that allow you to talk and technically see each other despite the numerous miles separating you.
It could even be virtual reality gadgets that allow you to explore new worlds together if that is an investment you are willing to make. The bottom line is that for long distance to work technology will have to be your friend.
Invest in face-to-face interaction
Plane tickets might be costly, but they are worth it. One thing that most if not all successful long-distance couples have in common is their willingness to invest in spending time together. Which means planning regular physical visits and constant back and forth traveling. It is important as calls, texts and virtual dates can only hold the relationship for a while.
Establish a routine and stick to it
Something else OG long-distance couples have taught us is the importance of routine. It creates a sense of stability that is very important when it comes to sustaining the relationship. Have a communication routine where you plan for things like video calls. Have a dating routine where you set up long-distance dates on a regular. Finally, have a schedule for physical trips to either person’s location
…but don’t ignore the value of spontaneity
Routines are great but if that is all that your long distance relationship is built on you will be in trouble. Another great tip from successful LDR couples is the power of spontaneity. Plan a surprise trip, send an unexpected flirty text or even get a gift delivered to your significant other. These random and unexpected displays of affection are what keep the romance alive in these types of relationships.
Work on yourself as a separate entity
People in successful long distance relationships also demonstrate a strong sense of independence. They love their partners and invest in the relationships while also taking the time to invest in themselves as individuals. It is an important lesson to learn if you are in such a relationship or about to enter one.
Take the time to discover and work on your interests. That will make it a lot easier for you to deal with all the challenges involved in long-distance dating.
Learn the art of trust
You will need to give the benefit of the doubt if your long distance relationship is to work. One thing that is evident from other people’s long distance arrangements is that insecurities are inevitable. The important thing is that you do not let doubts consume you. Address whatever questions you may have and most importantly learn how to trust your partner. If you can’t then it will not work out for you.
Have the end in mind
Another great lesson from these successful couples is the importance of having an end goal. An understanding of an end goal helps make going through all your LDR trials easy as you know that in the end, it will pay off. It could be that you plan on moving in together eventually. It could also be a more serious and lasting commitment like marriage. Just make sure you are on the same page about it.
In their nature, relationships are hard work. “Two different people are coming together as one” is a solution whose equation is never balanced. You know what is even harder? A long-distance relationship. I salute you if you are in one because, in addition to the hustle and bustle of loving a flawed being, you have distance as something to worry about.
I remember when I was in a long distance relationship myself. How I loved him! He was the Yin to my Yang and then boom! A job transfer to the other side of the coast. I did not know where to begin or how to maintain something I had worked so hard for. A year down the line, we called it quits, amicably. It was sad, but as is with all relationships, there needs to be a time when you call time of death and mine had come.
But why? You ask. How did I conclude that I needed to let go? What were the signs of a dying age?
The glue in a long distance relationship isn’t quality time, its communication. Calls, video chats and practically any imaginable way to keep the image of your partner present in your life. While normal couples get the luxury of any love language, couples in LDR have to work with communication.
If you are in an LDR and do not communicate for days, something is wrong. Truth is daily communication may be hard but two days is too long.
The desire to meet up is no longer present
Flying across states every weekend is expensive. Driving through the country is also pricey, and that is the truth. Meeting, however, is something essential for couples in long distance relationships. The desire to meet should be present, the active seeking out of each other is also a necessity.
If neither you nor your partner feels the need, then your relationship may be on the rocks.
The foundation is not strong enough
When relationships get hard, couples can always fall back to friendship. If your relationship got tossed into a long distance one before complete prior knowledge of each other, you would find it harder to fight together or to stay afloat when hit but the waves of distance.
Your interests are no longer in line
If the plan from the beginning was to work for the time and reunite, then in the middle of it all, it suddenly seems the other partner wants to settle down there, or even start a practice, your relationship is showing major red flags.
The wandering eyes begin
If the object at the focus of your eyes or your partner’s eyes is no longer you, then they have ultimately decided to move on. There is a saying that goes “The eyes see what the heart is looking for,” and it’s true. The likelihood of finding love with someone else doubles when you shift focus from your partner – and as it turns out, this is also a great place to abort the mission.
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Your relationship frustrates you
People get into relationships for many reasons. The major one being companionship. The thing about a good partner is that you get to grow, you are challenged to be better and ultimately regardless of what goes on in the world, and you have a friend, a sanctuary. At any one time when a relationship takes happiness from you, it is not worth being in. If the thought of your relationship brings you to anguish and turmoil, you are better off alone.
You are staying in it for the wrong reason
The only time you should stay in a relationship that is on the rocks is if both of you are in love and want to work it out. If you are driven by guilt or are afraid to leave on account of fear, or the opinion of others, then you need a midnight train to Georgia. Never feel the need to be hurt on account of you don’t want to hurt your partner. Ultimately, they will get hurt- and the sooner, the better so they can get over it.
Some relationships are not forever, and that is okay. The expectation we put on forever binds us to dysfunctional relationships that drive us deeper into depression. The most important thing for people in LDRs is not the end but the beginning. It is important to walk into the relationship with enthusiasm, and a little sprinkle of optimism. Your relationship may work, but even if it doesn’t, a break up is not the worst thing to embrace.
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Long distance relationships are hard – from the emotional need that comes with being far from each other, to the lack of face-to-face communication. You may find that the holiday seasons are the worst.
Deciding to break up after dating long distance is not easy. It takes a lot of energy to decide that something is not working for you and it needs fixing. Kudos for taking the first step.
The second challenge – and the hardest of all – is effectively communicating this to your loved one in a way that protects their dignity and leaves them at peace. Break-ups are usually messy because the decision to break up is often unilateral.
It is easy to slide back into an unhappy relationship when you know that your partner is still willing. So it’s important to be sure that this is what you want. It is even recommended that you do a well-argued and written down pros-cons list to guide and defend your position.
With a desire to learn the best way to approach this tough topic, I sought the opinion of many individuals who have either broken up with a long-distance partner or have been on the receiving end of a break-up. Below is a compilation of how to approach the topic, as well as pointers on what to expect:
Timing is very important
The best position when negotiating a break up is that of your partner. Putting yourself in their shoes helps you navigate the process in a kind and dignifying way. That protects their self-esteem and gives them a fair fighting chance.
Take note of their schedule. Check for major events like an exam, a presentation, a job pitch or even a job interview. It tells you that giving them sad news may prevent them from effectively participating in tasks that will require confidence and charisma. Steer away from setting a break-up before a major holiday, a birthday, or an activity requiring full concentration.
If a break-up has to happen, then effectively schedule a couple of days on their calendar just for that. It is important to avoid awkward situations such as having someone you love travel or fly a long distance only to have their heart broken.
Nobody wants to receive bad news via text. In the modern world especially, ghosting is a very effective way of telling a person that you are no longer interested in their company. Ghosting is however not kind. It’s terribly immature and downright disrespectful.
The closest you can get to a decent face-to-face break-up is a phone call. With FaceTime, WeChat, Viber, Skype, Google Duo, and other video calling apps readily available, you can have this hard conversation face-to-face decently, and with respect.
If you are planning a break-up, schedule a call with your partner and talk to them like you would to a friend. Regardless of the differences at present, remember that this is someone you considered a lover at one point.
Give your partner a heads up that you have something “not-so-good” to say to them later. Ask them to tell you when they will be available. Take into consideration their plans and schedules especially if you are in different time zones. Nobody wants to have to wake up to heartbreak.
Tell them that you would like a Skype or video call and give them choices, so they get to pick when and how. This process ensures a win-win encounter.
Talk to your partner like a friend. Avoid the instinct to jump straight to the breakup. While the tension under currents may still be strong in the air, actively seek to create a peaceful atmosphere. Approach the topic with concern and empathy. Explain your position without attacking your partner. Give time for them to process.
At this point, you should expect tears, a little yelling may also occur – and this is allowed. As much as possible, seek to hear them out. Validate them while resisting the urge to abort the mission. Allow your partner and you to go through the motions of shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance.
When it is over, appreciate the time you spent with them and affirm them.
It is normal to feel the urge to go back. Don’t. Allow yourself to grieve. After all, you have lost a part of yourself as well. Shed a few tears – drink if you need to – but after all is said and done, rise, stand up and move forward.
Better days are yet to come!